Whose Grass Are You Watering?


About a year and a half ago, I wrote a blog post entitled, Comparison is a Dangerous Act! and it is! So many people compare themselves to others in a not-so-healthy way. Please take a few minutes and read it, as this blog post will build on that topic. I am going to go one step furtherto the topic of Envy! Comparison is a negative act, in that you are judging others and yourself. Envy goes further down the negative spiral in that if you are envious of someone, you are coveting and putting more energy into their blessings than into your own.

Envy is best defined as a resentful emotion that “occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement or possession and wishes that the other lacked it.

That definition of envy is scary in itself, but let’s dig a little deeper into the affects of envy. When you are not really feeling happy for another person’s successes, you are being envious. What that means is that you are wishing they did not have such-and-such and that you did. As a result, you are not allowing yourself to receive any more blessings into your life. The negative energy that you are giving off is a road block to any success that you could be focusing on and appreciating about you and your life. When you are genuinely happy for someone, it allows you to attract the same goodness they are experiencing. The emotions that you are feeling benefit you as well as the person of topic.

When you are in a complete state of gratitude, whether it is for yourself or for someone else, you are opening up to receive more goodness. When you express gratitude you feel joy, celebration, humility, generosity, appreciation, and victory. On the other hand, when you are in a state of envy, then you shut off all goodness coming to you. That is because with envy you feel internal turmoil, obsession, critical thoughts, anger, resentment, pity toward yourself, slighted, and you have a victim mentality. Which scenario sounds better to you?

If you are feeling envy, you need to find out why.
Is there something missing from your life?
Do you want more material possessions?
Do you feel not worthy of what so-in-so has?
What do you want that you don’t have?
Do you feel unsatisfied with your life?
Which parts of your life are you not happy with?

There are many reasons why envy comes and rears its ugly head.
Here are a few examples that I have seen repeatedly throughout my life:

  • The girl who is out of shape and unhappy with her body is envious of the girl who eats healthy and works out 5 times a week. She is envious because she wants what the other girl has but is not willing to put in the time, effort, and discipline to achieve it. It’s easier to feel slighted and angry and have a pity party than to make some changes to achieve that for herself.
  • The woman who is miserable in her marriage is envious of the couple she sees as being happily married. The difference is the happily married couple work at it. They put effort into having date nights, flirting, buying special gifts for each other, spending time together, and communicating in a healthy way. The woman who is miserable is too busy being envious when she should be putting time and energy into her marriage.
  • Person A is not using and shaping their God-given talents and is envious of Person B who is putting energy into theirs. Instead of being happy and grateful for Person B, Person A is bitter. If Person A would put love and effort into their talents, Person A wouldn’t have time or the desire to be envious of Person B.

Can you relate to any of these scenarios? Have you ever been envious of another person? Have you been the target of someone’s envy toward you? Envy is no good, no matter what end of it you are on. If you have a deep envy, there are four steps to conquering it: Identify the Why (Why are you envious of her body?). Take steps to improve that part of your life (Get to the gym, eat a clean diet, and set some personal goals). Celebrate other’s successes (Feel happy for people who are being an example of how you want to be). Be grateful (Express gratitude for your growth and journey daily).

Take Action: This week and beyond, let’s wipe out the envy that we are feeling towards other people. Let’s make a healthy plan to attain what it is that we want. Let’s truly be happy for the success of others, as we would want people to celebrate our successes. Let’s be grateful for who we were, who we are, and who we will become…without being envious of others…Let’s water our own grass!

Because Together is Better,

Comments

  1. What a GREAT post!! I have been guilty of this in the past and it just makes you miserable…I try to get busy and get my life going to get things that make me happy…it makes it much easier to be happy for others!

  2. Thanks for sharing this Deanna; it was truly a good read!

    I do think about this issue of comparison from time to time, and I am called to examine it further after reading about it today. It never really struck me quite like it did here and I will continue to question my motivations when I am comparing what I do to what others are doing.

    I love the introspective process and how it can serve to heal various parts of us that are wounded. *Thinking Deeply*

    Chef~

  3. Energetically speaking, envy is a very low vibration emotion. It cultivates more negative emotions. When people realize it’s better to be happy for someone rather than envious of them, a whole new world opens up for them!

  4. I LOVE IT when others have success, accomplishments, happiness….it is such wasted energy to be any other way. We are all here for a short amount of time why waste it? Be happy for others!

  5. Thank you for the great post. I must say that many years ago I was envious of my sister and my best friend, basically the same reason for both. It took a while, however, I was able to let go of those feelings and realize that what I have is far better than what I was envious of in the first place. Being envious imprisons you.

  6. This is an awesome article!!! No point in being envious…God has blessings for all of us!

    Yvonne Brown

  7. Oh my, my, my! What an awesome article. I have no words to compliment it 🙂 This just soooooo sums up everything so PERFECTLY —>

    “Let’s truly be happy for the success of others, as we would want people to celebrate our successes. Let’s be grateful for who we were, who we are, and who we will become…without being envious of others”

  8. Love this. “When you are genuinely happy for someone, it allows you to attract the same goodness they are experiencing. The emotions that you are feeling benefit you as well as the person of topic.” You are spreading good stuff! <3

  9. Thanks for sharing. This is a great post. Developing personaly is critical to ones growth. We should defiitely grow ourselves and not envy others.

  10. Great article and informative to read Thanks!!

  11. Very well said…life will never be what we truly want it to be until we stop looking over our shoulder at our neighbor. As I’ve matured I realized standing in my own authentic power manifests my hopes, dreams, etc.

    • Jen, very well said…yes, standing on our own authentic power. When we have envy, we give that power away. Thank you for your comment. -Deanna

  12. I love how you tie the “grass” and the “Green” with the envy, very clever use of metaphor. I love the way you reframe the green grass to show growth. Excellent!

  13. very nice blog..

  14. Envy is an ugly thing. Sometimes it’s shown as sarcasm. It’s wicked. Thanks for posting this enlightening information.

  15. There would be much less envy if people concentrated more on themselves and their lives rather than the lives of others. I always find it interesting that even though we only have one life to live, a lot of people spend that one life more concerned about others than on their own life. You can see this when you look at how some people follow celebrities. Living our life to the fullest should be our main focus.

  16. Great post about a very painful subject indeed.. There isnt a more helpless, ‘dead-end’ way to feel than jealousy, and when a person is in its grip, its an awful thing ! You put it into great perspective when you say that jealousy is ‘putting more energy into others blessings, and forgetting to put energy into appreciating yours! Energy is better used to compete with yourself, and who you were yesterday, instead of wishing you measured up to someone else.. I read somewhere that if you were to trade your life with someone else even for a day, you would gladly have yours back in a minute, I know this is true !

    • Thank you for your wisdom Jana! Yes, compare yourself with who you were yesterday…that is very powerful indeed. You don’t know what journey other people are on and how they got there…we need to mind our own business. 🙂 -Deanna

  17. Great article! Very thought provoking

  18. Envy is a very difficult emotion to break out of. All of our best intentions to be happy for someone may be behind a fake smile. Envy goes hand in hand with jealousy,

    • Dani, I think the only way to break the cycle of envy is to practice gratitude. When you are grateful for everything in your life, it helps to ground and humble you. Thank you for your comment! -Deanna

  19. Great post, I think we should just be ourselves and focus on us. I know there are many people that envy others but that is not going to get you anywhere, you need to stay focused and strive for what you want.

  20. Heather Petersen says:

    Great Blog Post! I agree,let’s work on ourselves rather than envy others.

  21. Very nice angle to teach a concept! Beautiful!

  22. Great Blog Post! I Have been envious of people in the past, and strive to be like them (sometimes)

    • Rob, I have been envious in the past as well…and as you say, I think it is healthier to strive to be like them! Thank you for your comment. -Deanna

  23. Yes, you have to water what you want to grow, great blog 🙂

  24. Very interesting examples. I agree–let’s work on ourselves rather than envy others.

  25. Gina Manzeck says:

    Amen sister! Well said! And besides, envy NEVER gets you what it is you are envious about anyway!!!

    Keep spreading the LOVE

    xoxo G

    • Gina, that is SO true: Envy never gets you what it is you are envious about! It only takes away from what you already have…gratitude, Baby! -Deanna

  26. This was a great blog Deanna!

  27. Daddy G says:

    Well, I have decided to just have artificial grass so I don’t hafta water any of it!
    Seriously, you are right – Envy is considered to be one of the “7 Deadly Sins” for good reason – it’s BAD!
    I hear the younger, cooler kids saying these days, “Don’t hate on me”… what they are really saying is, “Don’t be envious of me”… Words to live by.

Leave a Reply to Dani Montoya Cancel reply

*