Contrast is Essential

We are so great at thinking and talking about what we do not want, aren’t we!? We can dwell in that place for days, months, years, and beyond. Why do we do this? It serves no purpose. It only allows us to be stuck there and to attract more things into our lives that we do not want. This can be anything we do not want: Financial hardship, a bad relationship, health issues, a mean boss, self loathing, moving to a new state, a job, a messy home, and the list goes on.

When we continually have these thoughts in our conscious mind, our sub-conscious mind is busy at work bringing what we are focusing on into our lives. Knowing what we do not want is called contrast, and contrast is neutral and contrast is essential. The best way to become clear about what you do want is to briefly (as long as it takes you to realize you don’t want it) examine what you do not want. This is done for the purpose of getting clear about what you do want. Got that?

So, if you know that you do not want to stay in your current relationship, it is easy to think about all the reasons why you do not want to be in the relationship. If you dwell in this place, then you will continue to attract more of the same. You may get out of this relationship, but the next relationship will carry the same qualities, because you are still thinking about the things you do not want in a relationship. Let’s rewind and say that “x” and “y” and “z” are the reasons why you do not want to be in this relationship. The relationship ends and instead of thinking and talking about all the things you did not like about that relationship, you begin to think and talk about everything that you do want in a relationship. Now your mind, both conscious and subconscious, is reeling in a relationship with the qualities you do want. You will begin to attract that which you do want instead of that which you do not want. Like attracts like. What you resist persists.

Do you see how that works? This is such a simple concept, but we carry with it a hard habit to break. It is hard because we have been conditioned to talk about what we do not like and the things we do not want. People love to share those feelings with each other, even though those thoughts bring you down. This is a hard mind shift, because it is so easy to know what we do not want and to dwell there. It is very comfortable there, isn’t it?

Now that we are aware that contrast is essential…we need to put it into practice. The next time you discover something that you do not want…STOP…stay there briefly…then focus on what you do want. It may take some practice, but once you do this a few times it will come very naturally to you. I would love to read about your success stories in the comments below!

Take Action: This week and moving forward, let’s try to notice when we get stuck in the things we do not want. Let’s swiftly recognize them and shift our thinking to what we do want. We can do it!

Because Together is Better,


  1. Indeed, Deanna, Contrast is Essential ! !

    Through contrast we become “wise” by the “understanding” of what happens and so accept what happens and in the acceptation we become able to really see and hear what “IS”.

    Thanks !

  2. Love this Deanna! Just this morning I saw a FB story going around with this little poem:

    “I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
    I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
    I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
    I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
    I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
    I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
    I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye..”

    Just enough contrast to gain clarity!!!

  3. Focus is key: where we place our attention is what manifests. Thanks for the clarity you brought to this!

  4. Excellent article on the power of contrast Deanna. I have listened to Abraham for years and always tell people your sub-conscious mind says YES to everything you tell it. Focus on what you want, your dreams and goals. Since we are constantly thinking, the best fuel is positivity!

  5. I agree ~ knowing what we don’t want can really help bring what we DO want into clear focus. Thanks.

  6. This is a helpful discussion of how contrast can serve us if we pay attention. Thank you!

  7. Clarity is the door to understanding. Thanks for pointing out the door.

  8. deanna thanks for the thought behind this post–i think lots of people can relate!

  9. Having a clear picture of what you do not want is the best way to figure out what you do want. You have to have a reference point.

  10. You are so very inspirational. Thanks for the positive outlook. 🙂

  11. Very inspiring writing. My worst enemy is negative thoughts. I am more looking forward on the positive sides than the negative.

  12. It is hard to change your thinking but it is possible. Happiness in actitud and we are not governed by our bodies or our emotions. It just isn’t easy, or comfortable, or fun.

  13. Love that quote about stars not being able to shine without darkness – thanks for the motivational post!

  14. It is always good to focus on what you want. Negative thinking will only get you negativity.

  15. Very true that like attracts like and you will attract what you are thinking… Excellent article and thanks for the reminder!!!

  16. Dov Shapira says:

    The foundation of a relationship is trust and respect.
    When you focus on the positive, it’s a lot easier to fill in the lacks of your spouse

Leave a Reply to Laurel Bill Cancel reply