Move Over Pride and Ego!

I have known so many people throughout my life who let their pride and ego get in the way of forgiveness. I have been one of those people at times. I’m sure you have as well. I know it is hard to forgive sometimes. It feels like it is a “give” on our part or like we are excusing the wrong behavior…but we also rationally know that hanging on to a wrong only hurts us. We are so stubborn at times. What makes us think that not forgiving someone is healthy or will do any good? Why would we think that holding on to that negative energy will hurt the other person? The energy of un-forgiveness is so very heavy. When we look at it in that light, it seems so very silly, doesn’t it? We are intentionally hurting ourselves…that is so counterproductive!

I know that when we are in the emotional bubble of being hurt, our pride makes us feel like the other person needs to apologize and that they must pay for what they have done…or that maybe they do not deserve to be forgiven or to have our friendship. But true forgiveness tells us otherwise. Forgiving is for you, not for the perpetrator. I have learned that the other person does not even need to know that you have forgiven him or her…because it is not for them, it is for you!

Most people have a goal to feel true peace, joy, and love. These emotions are at the top of the emotional scale. When we live in this place, we are vibrating at a very high frequency. Forgiveness is right up there with these other beautiful emotions. When we live feeling and demonstrating these emotions, we get more situations and people in our lives that allow us to experience more of this bliss. Contrarily, when we hold judgment, hatred, anger, revenge, and pride because of not forgiving someone, then we are vibrating at a very low frequency. This allows more bitterness and ugly negative situations and people to enter our lives.

A very condensed Emotional Scale, but you get the picture.

When we look at it this way, it is so empowering…we have a choice! We get to decide to forgive and move right on up that emotional scale. When we know we have a choice and we choose to stay in those negative emotions, we are letting our pride and ego take charge. That is a heavy load to carry…especially when the other person has probably forgiven you and has moved on their merry way up the emotional scale to freedom, joy, and love.

Some people scoff this, but take a look around…you are living proof. If you are one to hold a grudge, take a look at what you are attracting. Do you run into nasty people all the time? Do you have roadblocks in your social and work environments? Do you have constant inner turmoil? Do you continuously feel like you are rowing upstream and you can’t get ahead? If you are a person living in joy and love, do you run into pleasant people all the time? Do you seem to waltz through life effortlessly? Do things fall into your lap? It is real and it works. Tell your pride and ego to move over and start living at the top of the emotional scale!

Take Action: This week and moving forward, let’s take an emotional inventory. If we are holding on to a grudge and not forgiving someone, let’s make it right in our mind and heart so we can be free from the negative emotions that are holding us hostage. If you are floating along with love and joy in your heart, keep up the good work and help someone you know break free from those chains that bind them.

Because Together is Better,


  1. I love emotional scales–they really reveal a lot, so thanks for bringing attention to that. You’re right to express how stuck, low-energy emotions hurt us when we feel them, as well as hurting our relationships.

    • Yes, Chara, they do hurt the relationships as well. That low and negative energy can be felt all around someone and it is very uncomfortable to me. -Deanna

  2. Thanks for writing about a really tough subject! Most of us have experienced the struggle of having to learn how to release the hurt and truly forgive. For me, that includes forgiving others close to me who have yet to learn the art. I am forgiving that they can’t forgive me…

    • That made me laugh Sheila, but I know it is true. You are only in control of you. Forgiving that they can’t forgive me is very powerful! -Deanna

  3. This is a great post, Deanna, filled with truth! Life flows when you release yourself from judgment. Ego and pride are such stumbling blocks! Yet they can vanish on the wind of a deep breath of true self-appreciation. And acknowledging that the someone who you felt had “done you wrong” was really doing the best they could with what was happening for them at the time.

    • I agree so much with you Laurie. People who are stuck in their ego and pride do not see this, and maybe as you say, it is because they do not appreciate themselves. Hmmm… -Deanna

  4. My mom always taught us that pride comes before the fall. I have seen many great and well respected people fall victims to their prides and egos. It all stems from thinking too highly of ourselves and not valuing what other people bring to the table. Even reverse pride can be a bad one…..refusing to accept help from others when you need it. That happens with a lot of people who suffer from depression. It may seem unlikely to some, but I think that is what happened with Robin Williams.

    • Veronica, you sure said a lot of wise words here, thank you so much! You are right pride and ego come when we think more of ourselves than others. Great point! -Deanna

  5. I love that emotional scale chart! That has such great information! I need to put that up for my students to see in my classroom.:)

    • I love it too Daniele, it is such a great and quick way to check the energy that you are living in, putting off, and attracting. This will be a wonderful tool for your students! -Deanna

  6. This is so true, Negative thoughts can make your day bad. Thank you for the infograph

  7. This is a great graphic, it is easy to see where you are today.

    • I agree Tom, it is a great visual. When we are feeling in the low zone, we can shift our thinking and actions to lift ourselves higher! -Deanna

  8. We only hurt ourselves when we dwell in negativity.

  9. Love the graphic.

    It is true, holding onto that negative energy affects your health too.

  10. My mom always says that you need to forgive or you’ll just give the other person power over you. And you keep holding on to what happened in your past and never can get to your future. It’s hard to forgive, but it’s the best thing you can do.

    • Joanna, that is a very strong and powerful statement that if we keep holding on to our past we will never make it to our future! Wise words. -Deanna

  11. I think that once your emotional balance you are also mentally stable. Try to find out what unhealthy and try to fix it, it going to pay off in the future.

  12. Gigi Peterson says:

    And when we go a step further to talk to that person and try to understand what is in their heart and why they did what they did, then you can welcome them into your life with a more complete understanding and appreciation of who they are:)

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